


i love you to the moon and back

by kumo_is_kumo



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Alpha Youngjo, Angst, Fluff, Knotting, M/M, Omega Seoho, Romance, Smut, Wolf AU, self lubricating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:35:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27895411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/pseuds/kumo_is_kumo
Summary: The mark on his skin burns; it's Youngjo's mark. They are destined mates, and Seoho would do anything for Youngjo's happiness; even if that means sacrificing his own.
Relationships: Kim Youngjo | Ravn/Lee Seoho
Comments: 13
Kudos: 58





	i love you to the moon and back

**Author's Note:**

> ENJOY BSJJSJSSJKS

In this world, humans are divided into three statuses. Alpha, beta, and omega. Just like most people have known, alphas are dominant creatures, domineering, leaders, and brave. They have this leading character in their soul. They mostly have strong features and strong will for everything they want to do. They are the ones standing at the front row, protecting, keeping everything according to the rules. They are hard headed and it will be quite difficult to stop them when they set their thoughts on something.

Betas are the middle players. Some of them have strong features like alphas, but their character usually is similar to omegas. They are the calming ones, able to cool the hot headed alphas down, and keep the omegas from having negative thoughts. Some people disregard betas and think betas are not as important as alphas, but actually betas are the most important for keeping everything settled.

Omegas, the bottom line in the status, are those that follow the alphas' and betas' leading. They have soft features and gentle characters. They are mostly soft spoken, full of obedience, and some are just downright very conservative. They need alphas or betas to lead them or they will be very lost.

Alphas don't always end up with omegas. Betas don't only end up with omegas. It's not always exactly dominants ending up with submissives. Attraction is there, but destiny works in a weird way that no one would ever expect.

Every single soul is born to the world with their status running in their blood, smelt in their scent. They are born as alphas, betas, or omegas. The status defines their characters and personality.

And everyone, despite their status, will receive their destined mate mark at the age of eighteen, marked on one part of their skin in a random spot. No one knows where they will get their mark or how it will look like. 

Destined mates will have the same mark, yet it will be in a different spot.

Lee Seoho is born a pure blooded omega, taking soft and small features from his omega mother but gentle and strong willed character from his alpha father. When he smiles, his eyes turn into little crescents. When he laughs, the sound tingles melodically. His height is pretty normal, but he has been told that he looks small whenever he wears hoodies. He has a lot of friends and has a few secret admirers, judging from the number of letters he receives once in every few days in his locker. 

Despite the many times people have shown their interest in him, Seoho doesn’t really pay that much attention to them. His destined mate is all he wants. It can be an alpha, a beta, or even an omega like himself, he doesn’t mind. Destiny is written up there in the sky for a reason and he believes that everything that happens in his life also has their own certain reason.

Seoho has a crush. He has a friend, a hyung, someone a year older than him, his neighbor, his childhood friend,  _ an alpha _ . No one knows about this, not even his parents, and certainly not that one alpha, because Seoho has always noticed himself as someone who can hide his feelings very well.

_ Youngjo _ ; is his childhood friend. They grew up together, having no boundaries over their friendship, which means that they can understand one another without having to speak that much. Seoho depends on Youngjo a little bit too much, because other than being an alpha, Youngjo is older than him and Seoho just likes him so much. A little bit too much even.

When he first learned about the destined mates, at the age of twelve, Seoho’s first thought was  _ Youngjo hyung _ . No deep meaning, just a random fleeting thought that headed to the older boy after he heard the teacher taught his class about it. He was too young, he could barely concentrate in his class.

When he was fifteen, he realized that  _ no, I don’t see Youngjo hyung as my brother _ , and that thought scared him for a bit at that time. He was still young, fifteen, and he already had a thought of wanting to hold the older boy’s hand. It was so scary that he didn’t want to see Youngjo for a whole day, until the older boy had to knock on his door while holding a peace offering of his favorite tuna sushi and apologizing for something he didn't even do. Seoho couldn't even keep it going.

When he first saw the mate’s mark on Youngjo, when the older boy was finally eighteen, he was mesmerized. A rose; marked on the older boy’s back. Youngjo had shown it to him, too excited and too happy at how beautiful it was, especially for an alpha like him. Seoho was the first person after his parents that he showed the mark to.

Seoho had touched the mark, at awe, and had traced his little fingers over the black ink that looked exactly like a tattoo. It was around the size of a real flower, patched on the older boy's back like it had belonged there since like forever. A little thought, the small voice in his head whispered:  _ I hope I get the same mark _ .

That was when he was seventeen, and Youngjo was already eighteen.

Just one more year, he told himself that at that time. Just one more year and he will get his mark and that will be the moment he is considered as an adult omega. He can start being courted by any potential mate or his destined mate, and he will be at the age where he can make his own decision.

He has heard so many things from everyone about the magical feeling of mates, and he has been waiting for the time for himself to experience it. His excitement is building up, imagining so many things about when he finally finds out who his destined mate is. An omega like him likes to daydream about things they prefer, and it doesn't surprise him anymore that Youngjo is all he is imagining.

His birthday is coming up and he is very excited about his mark appearing. Youngjo is just as excited as he is, and that topic is all they talk about whenever they go to and come back from school. With him being trapped under Youngjo's arm as they walk out of the school ground, them sharing body heat, and their giggles mingling in the air, Seoho silently prays that his destined mate would be Youngjo.

The night heading to his birthday, he talks all night with Youngjo through texts and he is just so nervous and excited at the same time. The older boy tells him that it will be fine and  _ you will have an amazing mate I'm sure of it _ . Seoho wants to say:  _ I want you to be my mate _ , but he keeps his fingers from trying it.

He falls asleep through the rest of the text and actually misses the moment the mark appears on his skin. When he wakes up in the morning, too nervous but still dying to know, he just straightly jumps in front of his mirror to find where his mark is. 

Seoho has taken off his shirt and his heart stops beating for a second.

His gaze lands on the sight of his mark, located on his chest, exactly above his fast beating heart.

And it's a little  _ rose _ .

His heart leaps in happiness upon noticing that it is the exact same mark as Youngjo and it's just all too much for his brain to take. Seoho has been thinking about that rose mark for a whole year and there is no way he mistakes it. 

He wants to tell the older boy, and his hand is already reaching for his phone, but he decides not to do it. He wants to tell him with his own mouth and wants to see his reaction. He wants to see Youngjo’s face when he tells him that they are destined mates.

Okay, he will tell Youngjo tomorrow.

Seoho can't contain his happiness.

The time shows that it's lunch break and Seoho has been waiting for the older man for the whole twenty minutes. It seems like Youngjo is late, maybe his class is not finished.

Seoho waits impatiently, his heart beating hard and his foot tapping on the ground.

When he sees Youngjo running towards him with a wide smile across his face, Seoho can hear his heartbeats in his ears.

"Hyung-"

"Seoho, listen!!" Youngjo cuts him off, too excited to even read the situation.

Seoho swallows, "Yeah…?"

"I think," Youngjo looks happy but at the same time also conflicted, "I think I like someone."

Seoho hears his heart stop beating for a second.

He is happy that he knows who his destined mate is, but then again… Youngjo's happiness is more important.

Youngjo has just met a boy, an omega boy, a newcomer to the dance club. He looks small and he smells a lot like the sun, his smile is pretty and his dancing is incredible. His name is Hwanwoong and he is the epitome of a perfect omega.

Seoho sits there as he listens to Youngjo talking about him crushing on the boy once he landed his eyes on him; his own stomach dropping on each passing second.

Youngjo has always been a pretty oblivious alpha. Handsome and kind-hearted, but kinda dense and slow in reading the situation. That’s actually the character that Seoho has found himself fallen for, and he thinks whatever Youngjo does is so precious. He wants to protect the alpha, despite how it’s supposed to be the other way.

An alpha is the protector for their mate; but in this case, Seoho wants to protect the older boy’s happiness.

He listens to the way Youngjo is happily re-telling him about his encounter with that omega boy.  _ That’s okay _ , he keeps telling himself,  _ it’s okay _ . Youngjo looks happy, his eyes are wide open and his heart-shaped lips are stretched into a pretty grin.

When Youngjo wistfully whispers, wishing for the omega boy to be his mate, that’s when Seoho feels like throwing up. The mark feels like burning, throbbing on his skin, and maybe it’s enough to tell himself that he will be okay.

Youngjo is worried when he excuses himself to go back to his class without even touching his lunch, and Seoho puts on a fake smile, one that he has practiced for his whole life. No one can notice how fake it is, and he intends to keep it that way. He runs out of the lunch room, bumping into some people in the process, and hastily muttering apologies on his way out.

The toilet door closes with a bang behind his back and Seoho slumps down against it. The floor is unhygienic and dirty and he wouldn’t want to sit on any floor usually, but just for this time, he needs something to keep himself on the ground. His knees have lost their energy.

Seoho takes a deep, shaky breath. 

It’s his  _ birthday _ . He doesn’t want to cry.

Oh, he was imagining so many things. In his head, he would tell Youngjo that they are mates, and that he has his mark, and then maybe they might celebrate his birthday and the news of them being tied to each other’s soul. And then maybe it might be a happy ending. How wrong he is. It’s not as easy as he imagines it to be.

His fingers tremble and Seoho curls them into his palms, hoping they will stop soon.

Youngjo is still the best alpha that Seoho has ever met.

The older boy is still full of manners, kind, considerate, and still as handsome as he knows.

Seoho smiles when the older man runs out of the other building. Youngjo is already starting his university life, and he is already nineteen by now, studying art in the other building. Seoho knows they are only separated by a few miles, but he is so used to having Youngjo by his side all the time so it’s kinda lonely whenever he doesn’t get to see the older boy.

For Seoho himself, highschool is ending soon and he still hasn’t decided on where to continue his studies. He could just apply to the same university as Youngjo’s and then continue to be close to him just like right now, or he could try to apply to another university a few blocks far from here. His original plan was to apply here so he can be with Youngjo all the time, but now he is hesitating with that plan.

Youngjo comes to him, to their favorite spot. It used to be only the two of them, because Seoho is a shy, silent boy who finds befriending people a bit difficult, and because he is so dependent on Youngjo.

But the older boy is not alone this time. He is bringing two boys with him and Seoho is unable to utter a word when he notices the way Youngjo is staring at one of the boys.

_ Ah. It’s him. _

Yeo Hwanwoong; Seoho can’t even find himself disliking the boy. Youngjo was right. Hwanwoong is so small, so cute, such an ideal omega, and his smile is so pretty. Seoho accepts the handshake and he introduces himself as Youngjo’s  _ best friend _ . The word hurts him more than he expects it to be, despite how hard he is trying to keep it down.

They all sit together, with another boy who has silently slipped into the spot beside him. Seoho sends the boy a small smile and he gets a nod as a reply. From the smell, he is an alpha just like Youngjo.

Seoho fiddles with his juice straw as he absentmindedly tries his best to ignore the way Youngjo is talking animatedly to Hwanwoong. The sight hurts, because those two look like they belong together. His mark burns again, and Seoho bites down on his lip to keep himself from doing anything.

A pat on his arm takes his attention and he finally notices the other alpha is pointing to the empty juice box crushed in his hands.  _ Geonhak _ asks him whether he wants more of it and Seoho politely says no; then he decides that he actually needs one when he hears Youngjo's happy giggle.

Seoho rises up from his seat and Youngjo immediately asks him where he is going, and he answers with a nod towards the juice machine. The alpha nods and continues to chat again, and he just wants to scream but can't even do that.

Geonhak follows after him and they get their juices together. When Seoho asks him why he is standing here drinking his juice and not going back to the table, Geonhak even asks him back.

"I just need some fresh air." Seoho answers.

Geonhak nods. "I just think you need a company, that's it."

Seoho's breath is stuck in his chest for a second, thinking that Geonhak might notice him being butt hurt but he can't be sure about it.

They talk for a bit and he finds out that Geonhak will be getting his mark next year. Seoho tells the alpha to look forward to it because it will be very exciting and make him nervous. When they go back to the table, Youngjo is staring at him questioningly and he sends that stare of his own. Youngjo is too preoccupied with Hwanwoong, so what now?

Seoho excuses himself to go back to his class and Youngjo rises up from his seat almost immediately, as if on reflex, and says that he will walk him there.

"No, that's okay. I can walk alone." He says softly.

"But-"

"Your building is on the other side. I don't want you to be late, hyung."

"I'm also going to the other building. Do you want to go together?" Hwanwoong asks Youngjo who is so torn to choose.

Seoho waves him away. "Just go with him. I'll be fine."

He turns around and takes his leave, heading straight to the restroom to take a breather. Puffs of sighs slip past his lips as he tells himself to hang in there. Once he walks out of the restroom, he is surprised to see Geonhak leaning on the wall.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm also heading to the same building as you. Might as well go together."

Seoho swallows and nods stiffly, moving to continue his walk. He can hear the soft footsteps trailing behind him.

"Being alone can be lonely so let's just go together." He can hear Geonhak murmuring those words.

Seoho nods. "Okay."

Having someone to walk with is indeed better.

When he gets to finally be alone with Youngjo, the older boy finally remembers about his mark. Seoho really wants to scream and show his mark, but Youngjo had always been so dense and currently has been so occupied by the presence of Hwanwoong, so Seoho, once again, can't blame him.

Youngjo asks what his mark is and Seoho bites down on his tongue, coming up with a lie.

_ A candy, yeah, something like that, _ he says. The lie flows so smoothly, rolling past his lips like he has been thinking for so long.

Youngjo laughs at the thought of candy shaped mate mark, saying it must be so cute. When he requests to see it, Seoho is this close to panicking and he just randomly blurts that it is located on his butt or something so he can't show it. The older boy understands and reaches to pat his head.

Seoho has always loved Youngjo's hands. They are big and warm and they give the best affection. Too bad that it's all just friendly affection.

Youngjo grabs his hand and twines their fingers together, saying that they should go get some milkshake or something. Seoho's heart stutters and he hastily nods his head. When Youngjo pulls him to start running, he lets out a soft shaky laugh.

They have been holding hands ever since like forever, but this time, it doesn't feel like the usual. The hand is warm and comforting, but at the same time, it pains his mark because this means nothing at all.

The milkshake is sweet, his favorite flavor, and just like the usual, Youngjo steals some from him by sipping on the straw when he thinks he is not looking. Seoho knows and lets him be, because little moments like this make him imagine how pretty it would be if they are real mates. Every outing he goes with Youngjo feels like a date and he buries every single memory in his heart, hoping to keep them safe and sound so he can replay the memories in his head whenever he misses the older boy.

They walk back home and Youngjo grabs him close before he can enter his house. The hug is tight, warm, enveloping him in the alpha comforting scent that he loves the most. Youngjo holds him by the back of his head, big palm covering his head completely, so gently. 

“I hope you will meet someone good as your mate.” Youngjo has whispered into his ear, kind, hoping, and just so caring.

Seoho closes his eyes and just nods his head; burying his nose into the older boy’s shoulder to, for once, forget the painful reality that he could never tell the truth to Youngjo.

Hwanwoong is so lovely. Seoho can’t find any flaw in the boy when he gets to know him better.

The small circle of Youngjo and him has slowly grown slightly bigger, with the addition of Hwanwoong and Geonhak. Youngjo has always been the friendly one and Seoho himself is not exactly a good talker, so he has always been hiding behind the older boy’s back ever since they were kids.

Hwanwoong starts many small talks with him and Seoho can say that the younger boy is so nice. He is so pretty, his laughter rings so beautifully, and his scent is so sweet. Seoho hears the tiny voice at the back of his head, that little voice saying that he is  _ envious _ of the boy. He is not one to be jealous over things because he appreciates everything about himself, but with the perfect example in front of him, he can’t help but to start thinking that way.

Youngjo is talkative whenever he is around his friends. He is in the same dance club with Geonhak and Hwanwoong, and it only makes sense that those three will fit nicely. Seoho feels slightly being left out, as if he is an outsider, a loner in the group.

Hwanwoong is still markless. He will get his mark in two years and the boy can’t hide his excitement about it. Seoho feels himself smiling albeit bitterly. Hwanwoong is so cute; such a pretty omega. 

Other than hanging out together as a group, Seoho often finds Hwanwoong waiting for him after his class. It seems like Hwanwoong considers him as someone he can learn a lot from, with the two of them being omegas. Youngjo and Geonhak are alphas and  _ they don’t really understand the struggles of omegas like us _ , Hwanwoong has said, added with a cute smile on his face.

Seoho can’t help but to reach over and pinch the boy’s cheek. 

He can’t dislike him, or even hate him.

Seoho, when Youngjo is nowhere to be found lately, also spends a lot of his time with Geonhak.

That alpha looks like he is ready to beat the shit out of someone, but actually he is kind of a softie, he notices. Geonhak may look threatening, but his character is actually caring and pretty nice. There are times when Seoho feels playful enough to tease the alpha, and they often end up in small harmless bickerings.

Geonhak often walks him to his class when Youngjo does the same to Hwanwoong. Seoho has learned to numb his feelings, although it’s still just as hurting as usual. Actually, Youngjo often offers to walk him to his building, but he always rejects him because he knows how the alpha is actually looking forward to spending his time with Hwanwoong.

Youngjo doesn’t say things like that, but Seoho has known the alpha since forever, so he just  _ knows _ what Youngjo is actually thinking.

He learns that Geonhak is actually planning to take an education course later after he finishes highschool. Maybe that’s how Geonhak can read someone so easily. The alpha is not a man of many words, but his presence is comforting. That makes him a very good friend, and Seoho is not one to befriend someone so easily.

Seoho has an assignment that needs some material and he goes to get them to the stationery store, with Geonhak trailing beside him. Youngjo has previously offered to come with him, but then he remembers that he has a quiz so Seoho has gracefully told him to  _ stop wasting time and study for a bit _ .

Since Geonhak is aiming for an educational course, the alpha actually gives pretty nice inputs for him on what to get in the store. He thanks Geonhak numerous times, and the alpha tells him that he can just treat him to coffee if he really can’t stop saying that.

A cup of coffee is what he originally plans to get; but a splash of water to him certainly is not what he thinks he deserves.

A middle schooler, someone he doesn’t know, with a cute face and chubby cheeks, has just emptied his water bottle directly to his face. 

Seoho stands there, mouth agape, in shock, and unable to wrap his head around the fact that someone he doesn’t know had just poured water all over him.

“Stay away from my mate!” The middle schooler has said, and no matter how hard he is trying to appear threatening, Seoho is actually not fazed.

Geonhak is stilled for a short second, eyes trained on his drenched appearance, before quickly dropping his coat over him. Seoho watches as Geonhak goes to attend to the middle school boy, telling him to not do that to strangers. Okay, so apparently Geonhak knows that boy. And the boy claims to be Geonhak’s mate. Okay…?

Seoho tries to connect the dots, and he 2atches as Geonhak tries to hold the young boy back, while repeatedly telling that  _ he is my friend, you can't do this to strangers, Dongju, I will deal with you later, no, you are not getting away with that face _ .

It's kind of cute seeing Geonhak getting so flustered over it. Seoho steps closer to assure the boy.

"I'm Geonhak's friend! Uh, believe me, I… I have a mate already!"

The boy doesn't look convinced but Geonhak tells him to stop acting up. In the end, he sends the boy back to school before profusely apologizing to him.

Geonhak tells him that the boy is Dongju and they have known each other since they were born. Dongju is a whole middle school boy, three years younger than him. The both of them like one another and they come to an agreement that until their marks appear, they wouldn't date anyone.

"We don't know, but we are just so sure we are going to be mates." Geonhak admits and Seoho thinks the whole story is cute. He somehow understands how this Dongju boy is so possessive and being hostile towards anyone that could be a possible threat to him. The insecurity must be so hard for the boy, knowing that he likes someone but still unsure whether they would end up together.

"Take care of him better." He pats Geonhak on his arm.

The alpha nods. "And you? Did you really find your mate already?"

"Ah, that," Seoho stutters, unconsciously tightening his hold on Geonhak's coat around him. The water drenched his shirt pretty badly and he hopes no one was able to see his mark earlier.

"I was just… trying to convince that kid so he would back off. Haha, it worked though."

Geonhak looks thoughtful and just nods at him.

"You know what elders always say."

"Hm?"

"Mates are connected by souls. Mates are compatible and your mate is usually someone around you that you have been so comfortable with. That means your souls click together."

Seoho hums lowly, yeah, he has heard about it numerous times.

"I hope you find your mate soon." Geonhak says, looking serene.

It looks like he knows something and it scares Seoho for a bit, but he doesn't want to think about it.

In the end, he walks back home alone because Geonhak needs to attend to that Dongju boy. Surprisingly enough, he finds Youngjo waiting for him in front of his door.

"Why did you take so long?" Youngjo asks.

"We got into a bit trouble-"

"Is that Geonhak's? Why are you wearing it? Why do you smell like him?" Youngjo scrunches his whole face at the scent.

Seoho stifles a smile. "Yes it's his coat and yes, that's why I smell like him, silly."

Youngjo steps closer and puts his own coat on him.

"What are you doing, hyung?" He asks, puzzled. The older boy shrugs.

"I'm not used to smelling someone else's scent on you. My scent is better."

Seoho feels his head spins at those words.

"Why are you wearing his anyway?"

"Ah, that. Someone poured water all over me and Geonhak was just kind enough to lend me his coat."

Youngjo looks thoughtful. "Do you know that Geonhak has someone?"

"Yes, and that someone was the one pouring water all over me."

Youngjo chokes on his laughter. "Serves you right."

"Hey, what does that mean?" Seoho huffs at the words. He certainly doesn't expect to be laughed at. The older boy holds his hand and pushes him so he can get into his house.

"Get inside and change your clothes or you are going to catch a cold." Youngjo ruffles his hair and he murmurs a soft okay.

"I'm going back. See you tomorrow." The older boy waves and walks away to go back to his house not so far away.

Seoho gets into his room and notices two different coats hanging so heavily on top of his shoulder. Geonhak's scent is almost gone by now, and it's mostly Youngjo's strong alpha scent dominating his senses and he is just so overwhelmed by it.

The coat is pressed close to his nose and he feels slightly pitiful at how desperate he actually looks. Sniffing the scent of the alpha as the substitute of him unable to tell the older boy.

His mark throbs on his skin as he clutches the coat tightly, feeling sad over nothing; and it hurts even more, when he smells a hint of another omega's sweet scent at the back.

He lets go of the coat as if it burns, and makes his run to the bathroom to lock himself in it.

If he sheds one or two drops of tears, no one would know.

_ “Hyung,” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “I learned something at school today!” Seoho said while spreading his arms above his head and hitting the older boy’s head in the process. Youngjo whined at him and then let him continue his words. _

_ “What did you learn?” _

_ “I learned about the destined mate mark today at school, hyung!” _

_ “Ohh! I learned that last year! Did you pay attention to the class?” _

_ “Yess!” Seoho clapped his tiny hands together. “But hyung, who do you want your mate to be?” _

_ “Silly! We can’t decide who we want for a mate! It’s all written in the destiny up there!” Youngjo pointed out to the window where the night sky was dark, stars winking to tease them and the moon shining so brightly. “The Moon Goddess has everything destined for us!” _

_ Seoho puffed his cheeks. “I know that! But what about your type? Do you have a type, or someone you would like to have as your mate?” _

_ Youngjo turned his head to look at him. Their toes touched as they lied down on the older boy’s bed for a sleepover. _

_ “What about you? Do you have someone as the example in your mind?” _

_ Seoho nodded his head. “I want someone like you, Youngjo hyung! If I could, I would choose hyung over and over again as my mate!” _

_ Youngjo laughed into the night air and Seoho joined him, and their little giggles filled the silent bedroom for a moment. _

_ “If that’s so, I would choose you too.” Youngjo said with a wide grin. _

_ Seoho lifted his hand. _

_ “Pinky promise, hyung?” He asked with a giggle. It was a silly question because they knew it was not their decision to make. _

_ Youngjo tied their pinky fingers together. _

_ “Okay. Pinky promise.” _

_ The stars blinked. _

_ The Moon Goddess was watching. _

The morning comes too quickly and Seoho wakes up with a start. The world spins when he opens his eyes and everything just feels warm and it feels like the world is closing in on him. He might be feeling slightly under the weather but he rises up anyway and gets ready for school.

It's hard to concentrate when his eyes keep getting watery all the time. He barely takes notes in his class and he doesn't even have the appetite for any snack, so he just skips his way to the library. He has promised Geonhee to teach him chemistry anyway.

"Hyung, you don't look very good." Geonhee, a beta boy he knows since the start of this year, comments in worry upon noticing him holding a hand over his head.

"I know. I must look like a mess." He murmurs.

"You feel warm, hyung. And you smell weird." Geonhee scrunches his nose.

"That's not nice. I took a shower this morning," Seoho tries to joke and his laugh makes his head shake and it's just suddenly too much.

"Hyung, I think you can tutor me sometime later. What do you think about going to the infirmary to rest?"

"I'm fine,"

"Hyung, no offense, but you look like you are going to topple over just by a flick of my finger."

Seoho huffs and buries his face into his folded arms. He does feel very tired and just… in pain, and it's not even a joke anymore. Something feels wrong and he just wants to lie down and just sleep the pain away.

"I should find some help. You look terrible, hyung." Geonhee rises up from his chair in panic.

Seoho sighs and just curls into himself, suddenly feeling like he wants to cry over something he doesn't understand. His phone beeps from a text and he recognizes the name of  _ Geonhak _ asking him why he is not in the lunchroom. He hits the call button immediately without thinking twice.

"Geonhak, can you please come and get me? I don't feel well," he writhes into the phone when suddenly he feels his stomach twisting.

For the rest of the time waiting, he doesn't really pay attention to how everyone in the library starts noticing his weird smell. Geonhee is talking nonstop and he barely hears him.

Some minutes later he can see Geonhak approaching and then the alpha's nose is flaring, taking in his scent. Geonhak takes off his coat and puts it on him, enveloping him tightly with the coat. The warmth and the smell comforts him slightly.

"Seoho hyung," Geonhak calls softly, "You are in heat."

Oh. It makes sense. He has gotten his mark and he has entered the fertile age. Heat, huh.

He faintly hears Geonhak threatening everyone to not come any closer. Really, an omega in heat can distract any dominant. He is so glad to have a friend like Geonhak.

"Youngjo hyung, where are you?"

_ Oh no, Geonhak, why would you call him, I don't want Youngjo to see me in this state _ , he wants to say but the only thing he can let out is a whine.

Geonhee pats him gently on his back to assure him that everything will be fine while Geonhak still talks into his phone.

"Hyung, come here- No, I don't care if you have a class. This is emergency- Seoho hyung is-"

_ He doesn't want to come. It's okay, Geonhak, you don't have to force him. _

"I swear to God, Youngjo if you don't come I would  _ never _ forgive you."

Seoho feels hands on him, and Geonhak's soft voice tells him to hold on tight. He nods and then he feels himself being hoisted to the alpha's back, with Geonhee's worried voice at the back accompanying.

"I'm bringing you home, hyung. Hang in there."

"Thanks," he whispers under his breath.

His head is spinning and his stomach is twisting his guts and his senses are not entirely right now, but he can still hear the way Geonhak is cursing at something.

Geonhak's voice is low and he sounds angry, but he is saying things around,  _ he is a jerk. I'm so sorry for you _ , though Seoho can't really understand what he means with that.

The piggyback ride halts and then Seoho hears voices, and then he recognizes Youngjo's scent, though it smells stronger, more dominant, almost angry. He hears some kind of verbal fight between Youngjo and Geonhak. Although he doesn't really hear it, he can catch some words like _ let him go _ and then  _ you are being irresponsible _ and there is also  _ don't touch him _ and  _ maybe you should have come sooner if you don't want me to lay a hand on him _ . 

Seoho doesn't understand, he can only recognize his pain and whimpers. Some time later, the coat wrapping is taken away and he whines at that, only to sigh in content when another kind of smell comforts him. He is jostled here and there, and then there is only that familiar scent and warmth enveloping him wholly.

_ Hang in there, Seo _ . He hears those words and he hums to let whoever it is know that he is listening.

The next thing he knows, he is awake in his bed, curled into a ball from the fire in his gut and the remnants of self lubrication all over his bed. His bedroom door is locked to prevent any unwanted damage, his mom tells him later when he gets back to his senses, for a bit only.

His heat lasts for a whole week and it's so powerful for a first timer like him. He knows that eventually he will get his heat periodically but that thought is just gone from his head with how busy he is in his self wallowing.

When it's all over, his mom sits him down on the couch and begins to retell everything. So it was Youngjo taking him home, in distraught, panic, and dilated eyes, panting and affected just like any alpha. He was begging for anyone to take care of Seoho and he just went back home to prevent himself from doing anything dangerous to an omega in heat. But still, he came back everyday to check on him though only through his mom or stopping in front of his door.

Later when he gets to call Geonhak to thank the boy, he finds out that Youngjo was this close to attacking Geonhak for lathering his scent on him. Seoho is not really sure why Youngjo would be very hostile towards his own friend, but he guesses it might be because almost every dominant will be affected with the sweet scent of an omega in heat. He was almost going feral and Geonhak didn't have any choice but to let him take him home because Youngjo looked like he was ready to kill.

Geonhee was pretty shaken and Seoho apologizes to the boy repeatedly, promising that it won't happen again. Before the end of the call, the younger boy asks whether the alpha being angry was actually his mate? Seoho chokes on his breath and quickly denies it, even though the omega in his is wailing at his denial.

He is ready for another day of school after missing a whole week. The moment he steps out of his house, he sees Youngjo already waiting there on the porch.

"Hey."

"Hi, hyung." He congratulates himself for keeping his voice steady.

Youngjo walks closer and takes some sniffs around him, looking like a dog, and he laughs at the older boy's antics. When it seems to be enough, Youngjo just straightaway pulls him into a hug, so tightly that it makes breathing so hard for him.

"You scared me." Youngjo breathes into his neck. "I thought something happened to you."

Seoho breathes out while slowly lifting his two arms up to hug the older boy back. The little affection affects him, moreover when he is freshly done from his heat period.

"I'm okay now, hyung. Nothing happened, I'm fine. See?"

Youngjo nods and takes a deep sniff of his scent. Seoho closes his eyes. Moments like this are rare and nice, but also torturing him. His omega self is crying, scratching on his chest, begging him to stop the suffering.

When the older boy leans away, Seoho parts his mouth to talk but Youngjo cups his face in his big hands. He stares, so deep into his eyes, and Seoho starts to worry if the older boy might read into his soul.

"There. All wrapped with my scent." Youngjo says, almost proudly and too smugly.

"What?" He asks in confusion.

Youngjo grins. "No one will try to get close or even try anything on you."

"Hyung-!" He scoffs in disbelief when the older boy has the audacity to laugh.

A soft kiss on his cheek, sloppy and quick, silences him almost immediately from complaining.

"Let's go." Youngjo slips his fingers into the gaps of his own to pull him forward.

Seoho takes a shaky breath to calm himself.

It’s still early to have a break down.

Sometime along his graduation from highschool, Seoho has gotten pretty close to Geonhak’s self proclaimed mate. Dongju is a sweet boy, sometimes too possessive for his own good, but his character is what Seoho is so envious of. Dongju doesn’t hesitate to show who he likes and what he wants, and he is very vocal about what he likes and dislikes. 

When he is third wheeling on Dongju trying to have Geonhak’s full attention on him, he is swallowed in his self wallowing about whys and what ifs, flying all over his head. Geonhak has become his close friend and despite the many times they bicker over nothing in particular, he is very thankful that Geonhak doesn’t say anything at the times he doesn’t need to be reprimanded.

There are times when he feels like Geonhak knows something that he doesn’t know, because the alpha often makes comments that hit home, but he is not sure what it is that Geonhak knows. Like that one time when Dongju asks him about  _ where is your mate, hyung _ , Seoho struggles to answer that because 1) he had lied to Dongju the first time they met, and 2) he  _ doesn’t  _ know where his mate is.

Geonhak comes to the rescue, distracting Dongju with a side hug, and that takes the young boy’s attention away from him.

Hwanwoong has also become very close to him. Despite their different hobbies, he often helps the younger boy in his studies and Hwanwoong becomes so dependent on him. It feels nice to have many friends because he has always been a loner if not for Youngjo, but the boy is also a constant reminder of his continuous suffering.

Sometimes when the four of them sit together, Seoho finds himself watching the exchange between Youngjo and Hwanwoong, with a silent Geonhak by his side. The two look like they have known each other for years. Their jokes match and their excitement is almost on the same level. Their personalities also match and the bitterness crawls up in Seoho’s throat, until he can feel it on his tongue.

He is also cruel to himself. He wants Youngjo’s attention, but when he gets it, he pushes it back to Hwanwoong. One voice in his head tells him that he is stupid and another one says that it will be temporary. 

There are moments when Seoho feels like he is being the center of the attention, before it changes very quickly. When he finishes his drink, Youngjo pushes his own cup to him so he can have it. He barely has the time to be happy about it, when the older man already rises up to order another one for Hwanwoong who is coming to join them in a minute.

Or when there is a movie he really wants to watch and he goes to tell Youngjo about it. He knows the older boy likes it as well, but then he remembers that Youngjo’s personality matches with Hwanwoong and it doesn’t take a genius to know that the younger boy would also be interested in watching it. By the end of it, Seoho puts on a fake smile, refusing to come so Youngjo can have a  _ date  _ with Hwanwoong.  _ You should go with Hwanwoong to watch it _ , he says. Such a hypocrite he is.

Geonhak tries saying something but Seoho barely listens to him.

Hwanwoong is too sweet. Seoho likes him a lot, as a friend. He feels like a younger brother he doesn’t have and it’s only fair for him to act like an older brother to someone so cute and nice as him.

So it’s only normal when Seoho is walking together with Hwanwoong and when a cart full of highly stacked books bump into them, he lets the books fall on him instead of the other. Hwanwoong breathes in surprise and falls on his bottom, eyes wide and round. Seoho registers the voices of Geonhak and Youngjo coming closer. 

The student pushing the cart apologizes over and over again for causing the chaos and Seoho helps her by putting the books back into the cart. Youngjo looks worried, running his eyes all over him, up and down, asking whether he is fine. Seoho fakes a laugh and nods his head, pointing to Hwanwoong and saying,  _ you should check on Hwanwoong though, hyung, he looks shocked _ .

Youngjo, oblivious and dense Youngjo, nods at his words and goes to tend to the younger omega. Seoho swallows thickly and tells everyone that he will be helping the student to deliver the books to the library. He glances swiftly to Hwanwoong who is trying to assure Youngjo that he is fine and not hurt at all, and then he catches Geonhak’s stare when he leaves. He nods his head to silently tell that he is okay.

Seoho knocks on the infirmary room when it’s done, asking for a painkiller because it  _ hurts _ . He might have twisted his ankle and scratched his palms earlier.

The painkiller lies in his hand as he waits for the nurse bandaging his ankle.

He limps back home, the painkiller hasn’t worked, and his heart beating so fast in his chest for once again, hurting himself.

Seoho chooses the university away from home. It comes as a surprise to everyone and actually, it also surprises himself for taking such a big decision. He has never left his home for more than a week and even all by himself.

Youngjo keeps asking him why he would do that and he answers with an alibi that he prefers the science course there.

He stays in a small apartment, rented for students like him. Youngjo and Geonhak are the ones visiting so often that he doesn’t feel lonely at all. Sometimes, Hwanwoong comes and consultes with him about his studies, sometimes Geonhee comes because he misses him, and on rare times, Dongju comes knocking on his door, asking for food. His life now revolves around new friends and Seoho thinks he is content with that.

Geonhak gets his mark. It’s the shape of the moon on the surface of his palm and Seoho smiles as he watches Dongju tracing the mark over and over again with his finger. Dongju promises that he will get the same mark, much to their amusement.

Youngjo texts him daily and calls him almost daily as well. The older boy becomes more attentive once they are separated only for a few miles. While it’s all nice and making him happy, the voice at the back of his head tells him to get a grip on himself. It’s not permanent.

Sometimes Youngjo comes on the weekend to have a sleepover, and they lie there on the bed just like where they were kids. Their toes are still touching and so do their arms as they talk into the night air, but the difference this time is that they both have their marks, and Seoho could barely control himself.

Youngjo doesn’t talk that much about how he and Hwanwoong are doing, and Seoho blames himself for always asking about it. He just wants to know how the two are going, even though he knows it’s not his place to ask. When he doesn’t ask, he gets very anxious, but when he does ask about it, he regrets his decision.

Hwanwoong comes on one Saturday, bringing a box of chicken and a few bottles of sojus. They talk about many things randomly, from studies, their parents, their friends, the neighborhood’s dogs, the new candy shop just a block away.

Eventually, Hwanwoong asks him about what he feels living alone and how university life keeps him awake for most nights. Seoho appreciates the younger boy’s presence, because he does consider Hwanwoong as a good friend. They laugh over the dropped chicken thigh, and Hwanwoong complains about the way the teachers are trying to make him go bald, making Seoho chokes on his soju and ends up spilling the liquid all over himself. They laugh like carefree teenagers, not caring about anything.

The soju trails down his neck, down to his chest, and Hwanwoong catches the silhouette of his mark through his drenched shirt.  _ That mark is so pretty, hyung _ , he comments, in which Seoho quickly covers it with his hand.  _ Ah, yes. _

Hwanwoong is a bit tipsy and he hopes the younger boy will forget it tomorrow. 

_ Have you found your mate, hyung _ , he asks again, and Seoho shakes his head for another lie. Hwanwoong smiles tipsily and murmurs about how he can’t wait for his mark next year. Seoho is stupid, dumb, and he is slightly drunk, so he asks the question.

“Do you have any preference on who you would like to have as your mate?”

The younger boy chuckles. “I can’t decide that, hyung, what are you talking about.”

Seoho offers a tiny, shaky grin. “What do you think about Youngjo hyung? He is a good alpha.” Why does he love to hurt himself?

To his surprise, Hwanwoong shakes his head. “Youngjo hyung is a good friend, but he is not my type.”

A glimpse of hope blooms in his chest and Seoho feels slightly stupid for hoping for something that is so far of his reach.

“Yeah?” He asks again to make sure, in which Hwanwoong nods sleepily.

“I think,” the younger boy murmurs, half asleep, “Youngjo hyung will fit as your mate better, hyung.”

Seoho swallows the bile in his throat as he watches Hwanwoong fall into a deep sleep. The only sound filling his apartment are the younger boy’s soft snores and the loud beats of his heart.

Another year passes with Seoho keeping his secret tight. He is in his second year in the university and his assignments are getting tougher and busier. That makes it hard for him to spend time with his friends.

He goes back home everytime he doesn't have that many assignments. Youngjo is so excited to greet him, toppling him over with excessive hugs that Seoho can only stand there and slump into the older boy's embrace even more. He misses him a lot.

His parents, and even Youngjo's parents, pamper him a little bit too much. He grew up together with Youngjo because they are practically neighbors and their parents are close friends so it's only normal that he is being pampered as the youngest of everyone. His favorite foods are all over the table and they have a feast together while everyone asks him about his life staying all by himself.

Youngjo takes him by his hand once dinner is over and they walk to the park to enjoy the air. Holding hands is normal for them but the distance makes them grow fonder that they don't want to let go.

"I miss you a lot," Youngjo comes to give him a back hug, chin propped on his shoulder. Seoho's heartbeat stutters for a quick second.

"Do you? I bet it's nice without having to see my ugly face everyday." He tries to joke around but Youngjo just tightens his hold around him.

"I would rather see your so-called ugly face than having to suffer from longing."

"Hyung, you are so dramatic."

"Did anyone bother you there? Do you want me to send Geonhak there to beat the shit out of some people?"

He splutters a laugh. "Hyung, that's not necessary!"

Youngjo hums and leans to peck his cheek. Seoho stares wide eyed at the night sky. What kind of affection is this?

"I wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow. We haven't spent that much time recently. You barely answered my calls."

"Hyung, I told you I was busy." That, and also because he can't handle his longing heart if he hears the older boy's voice.

"But still. I'm crashing at your place next week."

"Huh, really? Sleepover?"

Youngjo nuzzles into the side of his throat.

"Mmh. Just like when we were kids."

Seoho laughs, shakily, and he blames the cold for it. His hand reaches to hold onto Youngjo's one and he prays that he can have this moment just for this one time. When he closes his eyes, he can picture them in this position, but so much  _ in love _ . 

Though when he opens his eyes, the imaginary scene crashes and he is back to the reality that he is not the one Youngjo wants.

Geonhee texts him the moment he arrives back at his apartment. The younger boy finally gets his mark. Seoho finds himself grinning at the picture of a star shaped mark located on Geonhee's forearm. He congratulates him for both his mark and his birthday.

His classes go as usual, just with the many texts coming from his friends and mostly from Youngjo. The older boy is pretty much clingy ever since he went back home a few days ago and has been bugging him ever since he was back here. He might say that Youngjo just misses him because they haven't had the chance to hang out like usual. But that doesn't explain the touchiness and clinginess coming from him.

Saturday comes and Youngjo arrives, knocking on his door impatiently. Once he opens the door, the older boy is holding onto a big plastic bag while trying to crush him into a hug. Seoho laughs and pulls the older boy in despite the difficulty caused by the iron grip.

For a moment, they just stand there in the middle of the living room, just because Youngjo doesn't want to let him go. The hug is warm and tight, and they just relish in the feeling of each other's scent. Ever since they were kids, they had never been apart for so long and this might be the first time. They can't crash in each other's room whenever they want and they have to make a phone call when they want to talk. The distance hurts though, so maybe that's why Youngjo is so clingy.

"I miss you." Youngjo murmurs into the crook of his neck, and he holds back a shudder at the feeling.

"I miss you too, hyung. No one brings me ice cream in the middle of the night when I am here." He says with a chuckle, though his words change into a squeak when Youngjo unceremoniously tightens his grip around his hips and lifts him up to spin him around.

His world spins and he chokes out a laugh, begging the older boy to stop. Youngjo does stop when the both of them are dizzy, and they fall back into the couch with a pained grunt when they knock their heads together. Seoho lifts himself up to sit on the spot beside the other, but Youngjo just keeps him half splayed across his lap.

"I need this, I guess." Youngjo mutters.

"Mmh? What do you need?" He asks while staring up from where he is occupying half of the older boy's lap.

"This. The closeness. I can't stand being too far away from you." The alpha says while swiping a hand along his hair. Seoho gulps and fakes a laugh to cover how nervous he is.

"What are you talking about, hyung," he laughs, "You haven't started drinking but you already sound so drunk."

Youngjo grins and dips down low enough to kiss him on the forehead. Seoho unconsciously tightens his hold on the other's shirt.

"Let's get started then. I bought a lot."

The pizza is cold but it's still delicious anyway. They put all the pillows Seoho has on the floor as they lounge around on the carpet. There are boxes of chickens, some soup, and fries, and Youngjo might have just bought everything he can find just for this occasion.

The taste of the soju burns his throat but it feels nice. There is no more assignment left and there won't be any exam coming so he can just relax for now.

“I miss this.” Youngjo mutters after gulping a big amount of soju down his throat.

Seoho watches from aside, silently nipping on his fries while listening intently to what the alpha is going to say. They don’t really have that much time to sit and drink like this recently, due to the change of schedule in his classes and also because of the distance between them. He can’t possibly have Youngjo coming here that often. The alpha also has his life and he doesn’t want to be the one disturbing him.

“Why do you have to choose your course here, we have it as well back home,” he hears Youngjo whining at him.

“I like the one here better.” He admits in a soft voice.  _ And I like it better when I don’t have to see you being with someone else _ .

“But still,” Youngjo is all a whining alpha by now.

Whenever Youngjo is getting drunk, he notices that the alpha is becoming whiny, clingy, and just a whole different side. He is so needy of affection, touches, and that’s actually very cute. Seoho can’t hold himself back from running his hand along the alpha’s hair when Youngjo drops his head on his shoulder.

Youngjo hums into his shoulder; his warm breathing hits the side of his jaw and it sends him shiver all over his body. The angle is weird and his arm muscles are screaming at the awkward pose he puts, but he just wants to pamper Youngjo like this. It’s a moment that he misses and can’t bear to skip.

Time like this is when he imagines Youngjo is solely his.

“You smell so good, Seo.” Youngjo murmurs into his ear, lips touching the shell gently.

Seoho hums and tilts his head up to take another chug of his soju, just because he needs to distract himself from being nervous. If he is being too nervous and anxious, his heartbeats will pick up and his scent will change, and Youngjo would notice it of course.

The alpha drinks sloppily and Seoho can feel the drops of soju trailing down the side of his neck, but he doesn’t comment about it. If he can keep this moment for a little while longer, he would do anything.

“I miss you a lot. It’s so lonely without you there.” Youngjo murmurs, lips pressing on the pulse on his neck.

Seoho closes his eyes tightly as he starts to feel the effect. Having an alpha being so close like this torturing the omega side of him, and all he wants to do right now is to submit and let the alpha dominate him all; it’s even worse that it’s  _ Youngjo _ .

“I miss you too,” he says in a low whisper, “So much you don’t even know.” His voice comes out so pitiful that he feels so sorry even for himself.

He puts his soju bottle down; Youngjo’s own is already gone somewhere, rolling under the couch.

The warm breath hitting his neck is gone; and then Youngjo kisses him.

A touch of lips, soft, bitter of soju, but sweet nonetheless. Seoho shuts his eyes tight when a hand clasps at the back of his head, and he relaxes himself as Youngjo tilts his head aside to kiss him deeper.

Youngjo might not even remember this tomorrow, and that’s okay.

“Seo,” the alpha calls his childhood nickname with his deep, hoarse voice and that makes Seoho weak all over.

They kiss again, this time he is the one initiating it, and Youngjo hums at that. Seoho surges forward, trying to take whatever he can have just for this time, but the alpha doesn’t appreciate it. Youngjo pushes him down, and his head lands on the pillows they put earlier, before lips crash down on his own again.

Never in his life has he thought that he would be kissing Youngjo like this, passionate and full of fire, but it’s happening right now and it’s beyond his imagination.

If they are puzzles, they are going to fit together.

He knows he is just taking the advantage of this moment. Youngjo is too drunk to even notice what he is doing, and he is pretending, fooling himself that they are doing it for real.

When Youngjo takes his clothes off, Seoho feels his omega is scratching at the inside of his ribs, too elated at the affection and skinship. This is what he has been waiting for his whole life, and knowing that it’s Youngjo who is kissing down his neck,  _ his destined mate _ , it makes everything even better.

Youngjo stops at his mark, staring at it through his drunken eyes. Seoho can feel his heart beating out of control and he hopes that Youngjo won’t recognize it. Despite how he wants to tell the alpha so  _ badly _ , another part of him doesn’t want it to happen. At least not this way.

“So pretty.” Youngjo murmurs, kissing another part of him that has him curling into a ball.

The many times Seoho imagines himself being in this kind of position with Youngjo are when he is hormonal and in heat. When he is under the effect of heat, he dreams of Youngjo touching him everywhere, dreams of Youngjo kissing him until he loses his breaths, keeps dreaming until all he can see is the alpha, keeps dreaming until the mating mark throbs on his skin.

This is not what he expects; a drunken sex with Youngjo who won’t remember anything.

Youngjo never remembers anything when he is drunk.

Which is a good thing, because Seoho can’t stand the humiliation if the alpha ever knows how much he begs for him.

He doesn’t want Youngjo to know how willing he is to give himself, to let those big warm hands trail along the sweaty bare skin of his, to let the alpha fall into his embrace without much hesitation. He doesn’t want Youngjo to remember that he ever says  _ I love you hyung _ so many times when the alpha takes him there, against the carpet, against the pillows, with empty soju bottles scattered all over them; an obvious reminder that this is all happening just because they are swayed into the mood.

The feeling of warm lips on his neck, kissing on his pulse, as Youngjo drives into him at a fast, erratic pace, sends Seoho to a world of temporary happiness he creates for himself. When Youngjo dips down to kiss him, he lets his eyes open for a split second.

The alpha’s mark on his left shoulder is there, peeking at him, Seoho lets his fingers trace over it as he pulls the other closer to him.

He hits the euphoria, his voice hoarse and loud, when he comes untouched just by having Youngjo breathing down on the mark on his chest. His eyes are filled with unshed tears, and the high dies down just as quickly as it comes. His head clears and he regains himself back, his conscience coming back knocking on his brain.

Youngjo smells different, his scent has become rougher, and Seoho quickly holds the alpha on his face. He sees dilated pupils, and flushed face, and his canines elongated.

“No, hyung,” he calls softly, “You can’t  _ claim _ me.”

Youngjo is not in his clear mind, being too under the effect of mating and alcohol. He holds the alpha back, telling him to stop.

“Don’t do anything that you will regret, hyung.” He whispers painfully, his chest twisting at his own words. He won’t let Youngjo claim him. He doesn’t want Youngjo to regret it for the rest of his life just because of one careless, drunken night.

The alpha breathes hard against his palm, canines slowly retracting back. Seoho presses their foreheads together and he places a soft kiss on the alpha’s lips.

“I don’t want you to regret it.” He whispers against those lips, feeling Youngjo’s arms trailing along his waist and hips.

Maybe he shouldn’t even let this happen at all. Maybe he shouldn’t let himself be swayed to the temptation of having Youngjo even only for one night. Maybe he shouldn’t let Youngjo fuck him on the first place.

He rises up and pushes Youngjo away, letting the alpha’s erection slip out of him. The alpha stares at him through his drunken dark eyes, and Seoho shakes his head.

“You don’t want to knot me. I don’t want you to regret it.” He repeats it, as if he is trying to explain it to Youngjo; or maybe to reassure him that he is doing the right thing.

He reaches a hand and helps Youngjo release, all the while the alpha kissing along his neck.

Youngjo is asleep by the time Seoho succeeds to put the clothes back despite his trembling hands. He needs fresh air.

The door closes behind his back and Seoho slumps down just outside of his apartment, too overwhelmed with everything. His skin is still sweaty, his heart is still pumping so quickly, and everywhere Youngjo touched is still burning. His head is spinning and his heart is hurting, and he just wants to cry and scream until he won’t feel all those feelings anymore.

He has Youngjo for a night; but why does it make him feel even worse?

It’s been almost two months. He is a good actor, he now realizes. He acts like nothing had happened, like it didn’t make him throw up the next morning just thinking that he had made a fatal mistake by taking advantage of Youngjo. 

Youngjo doesn’t remember anything, just as expected. He is awake in the morning with a massive headache and sore throat, and then he is asking about where all the cold leftovers are. Seoho lets out a shaky chuckle and answers that he has thrown all because they smell. He can’t say that he just wants to get rid of every evidence that could remind him of everything ever again. He waves the older boy and excuses him to buy some materials for his assignment which is actually none existent. By the time he is back, Youngjo is already gone, leaving a small post-it note on his fridge with his pretty handwriting of ‘ _ Let’s do it again sometime later! _ ’ 

Seoho crumples it and throws it into the bin, with his fingers shaking.

He attends his classes like usual, having a meetup with Geonhee to see the younger boy’s star shaped mark. He smiles and pats the boy on his back, telling him to just wait until he meets his destined mate. For once, he is envious of not knowing one’s mate.

Dongju comes with Geonhak, visiting his messy apartment with his assignment papers scattered all over the place. Dongju makes sure he doesn’t step on any and sits nicely at the edge of the couch. Geonhak stops by the door, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. When Seoho asks about it, Geonhak says he can smell a distinct scent of an alpha, and Seoho just lets out a fake laugh, too loud that it even surprises himself. Geonhak doesn’t believe any lie he is saying, but he is glad that the alpha doesn’t continue the topic when Dongju starts talking to him. Once again, he is envious of a lovely pair.

Hwanwoong comes to visit him next week once his exam period is over and Seoho gladly welcomes the younger boy into his apartment. Sweet, cute Hwanwoong, he is still as nice as usual. He doesn’t talk about his school or his friends or even  _ Youngjo _ , but he starts talking about his mark which will appear exactly a week from now. Seoho reaches to grab the younger boy’s hand, and assures him that it won’t be scary.

As he thinks again, the moment he had his mark, it was only to Youngjo he could talk. He was so dependent on the older boy. Now, he has so many new friends and he notices that everyone has their own stories in their life. Watching Hwanwoong being so nervous about his big day makes him wish that he could be this pure, blank like a white paper without crushing on anyone he couldn’t have. 

Hwanwoong leaves after giving him a long, tight hug. The young omega smiles up at him and whispers a wish,  _ I hope you will meet your mate soon, Seoho hyung. You are so precious. _

Seoho curls a fake smile and sends the boy away, before toppling back into the couch.

He sends a text to Youngjo, next week.  _ It’s Hwanwoong’s birthday today. He is getting his mark. _

Right after that, without waiting for any reply, he sends a leave email to his professor. His heat period is coming tomorrow and he doesn’t want to risk going into heat in the middle of a class. Ever since that first time, he makes sure to bring his heat suppressant with him in case he can’t avoid it, but at times he doesn’t have an assignment or exam, he would prefer his body to work naturally.

His door is locked and he has his fridge filled with food so he doesn’t have to go out stinking with pheromones. As he lays back in his bed, ready for another period of mood changing and unstoppable desire to mate, he thinks about what Youngjo must be doing right now. He will find out that it’s not Hwanwoong who bears his mark, and he will be very disappointed. He will be clueless.

Is it the time for Seoho to come forward and tell him? No.

Then when will be the right time? Never.

Seoho doesn’t know until when he is going to keep this up, he doesn’t have any answer, and he doesn’t know whom he can ask about this. Honestly? He doesn’t know how his story is going to end. He tries thinking about what to do in the upcoming days, weeks, months, years, but he doesn’t have the answer.

What will Youngjo do after he finds out that Hwanwoong is not his destined mate? What will he do when Youngjo is deemed mateless? And if someday Youngjo learns the truth, what will happen to them?

The thoughts lead him to a short nap and Seoho, once again, delays finding the answer.

A loud knock on his door surprises him and he wakes up with cold sweat on his head. His heart is beating so fast and he knows that his heat is approaching soon with these symptoms. But now, who’s knocking on his door so impatiently?

What?

“Youngjo hyung?” He calls in confusion once his door is opened, revealing a distraught alpha. “What are you doing here, hyung?”

Youngjo looks tense. “Can I come in?”

“Sure? But what are you doing here? Don’t you have class?” He steps aside to let the older boy in.

Youngjo doesn’t say anything for a moment and Seoho feels a bit scared. The alpha scent is all over his place, agitated and unapproachable, and it’s also nearing his heat period so it’s all too overwhelming.

“Do you want some water, hyung? You don’t look-”

“When are you going to tell me?” Youngjo asks while lifting his head. His jaws are rigid and his lips are drawn into a straight line.

Seoho tilts his head, “Tell you what?”

“Your candy shaped mark. Let me see it.”

“Hyung? That’s not-”

“Or are you still not going to let me see  _ my mark _ on you?” Youngjo asks with a low growl.

Seoho takes a step back, suddenly feeling like he is being cornered in his own house.

“When are you going to tell me, Seoho?”

*

_ “Happy birthday!” Youngjo greets the birthday boy with a glass of smoothie as a gift. _

_ Hwanwoong laughs and accepts the gift. “Thank you!” _

_ Youngjo takes a seat in front of the boy, eyes wide in anticipation. “Can I see your mark? I’m very curious. In a friendly way, of course!” _

_ The young omega laughs. “Sure! Here it is.” He rolls the short sleeve of his shirt, revealing a little star on the crook of his elbow. Youngjo stares in awe at the small star mark adorning the skin. _

_ “It’s cute.” He comments, surprisingly not as disappointed as he used to think he would be. It has changed; but since when, he doesn’t know. _

_ “Isn’t it?” Hwanwoong agrees while tracing his thumb over the mark.  _

_ “Actually, I need to come clean with you,” Youngjo mutters while awkwardly scratching his head, “When we first met, I had a little crush on you. We became friends and I was kinda hoping that you would have my mark.” _

_ Hwanwoong stares, “I didn’t notice… Are you disappointed that I don’t have your mark?” _

_ “No, not really.” Youngjo admits softly, “I thought I would be very sad and disappointed, but I don’t really feel that way. Something in me just feels… kinda relieved, as much as I’m not supposed to say it.” _

_ The young omega grins. “That’s okay, hyung! I’m actually glad that I don’t have your mark. I really consider you as my good friend. I just hope you will find your mate soon.” _

_ “Yeah, me too.” Youngjo smiles. “But your mark is really cute, I’m not kidding.” _

_ Hwanwoong giggles, “Thank you for the compliment, mister. What’s your mark, hyung? Can I see too?” _

_ “It’s a rose shaped mark.” _

_ The smile falls from Hwanwoong’s face. “Rose…?” _

_ “Yeah, it’s my favorite flower and-” _

_ “Can I… see?” _

_ “Sure, it’s a bit difficult though because it’s on my back-” _

_ Hwanwoong just unceremoniously drags the collar of his shirt down his back. Youngjo sits there without a word, trying to not let himself be choked because Hwanwoong is taking so long in studying his mark. _

_ “It’s the same mark.” He hears Hwanwoong whisper, and he spins his head back so fast at the words. _

_ “Have you seen it? Have you seen someone with this mark?!!” He demands, as he hears his heart beating in his ears. _

_ Hwanwoong hesitates for a second. “I think… I might have seen it on-” _

_ “Who is it-” _

_ “-Seoho hyung.” _

_ * _

_ So pretty. _

_ I love you. I love you. I love you, hyung. _

_ No, hyung, you can’t claim me. _

_ Don’t do anything that you will regret, hyung. _

_ You don’t want to knot me. I don’t want you to regret it. _

*

“When? When are you going to tell me? About that mark you have on your chest?”

Seoho unconsciously pulls his sweater to cover his chest. It feels like Youngjo can see past the layer of his clothes. 

“Hyung, I- I can explain-”

“What is your explanation? What can you say after I found out from someone else that my destined mate is just so close yet so far away from me?” 

The revelation comes faster than he expects it, and Seoho is actually at a loss of word. He doesn’t expect the secret to be revealed this easy, out of the blue.

“I- hyung, I didn’t mean to-”

“What else are you keeping from me?!” Youngjo looks angry. “It’s been two years!! How long are you going to keep this a secret?”

And Seoho can’t even hold it in anymore.

“What do you expect me to do then?!” He shouts back. 

He has never raised his voice on Youngjo. Never. 

“What did you want me to do when it was my birthday and you told me you liked someone?!”

His lips tremble as he spills the words he has been holding back for so many years. No more secrets; he is going to tell everything on this very second. If that’s what Youngjo wants, he will tell him everything. Even if it will cost him so much.

“It was my birthday and the first thing you said to me on that day was that you liked someone. Hyung, what do you want me to do? I recognized your mark, I had it in my head for a whole year before I saw it tattooed on my skin. Do you think I wanted to keep this from you for this long?”

A sob rips through his lips even though he tries his hard to keep it. Since when is he crying; he doesn’t even know. His chest aches and his stomach twists, he feels like throwing up. 

“Seoho-”

“Hwanwoong is such a perfect omega. Do I even dare to compare myself to him? No!”

The memories of him in his self wallowing and of him trying to find one single thing from himself that is better than the other are all over his head. 

“You kept talking about him everyday. I couldn’t even say anything to you. You liked him a lot. I didn’t stand a chance. Not before, not now, not ever.”

The admittance tastes bitter on his tongue. His shoulders shake as tears continue to spill from his eyes. Enough is enough. He doesn’t want to feel heartbreak any longer. If Youngjo doesn’t want him anymore after this, then it’s okay.

_ Because-  _

“Your happiness is the most important. I don’t want to be the one to rip it away from you, hyung.”

Youngjo looks betrayed, but of all, he looks sad rather than angry. Seoho can’t keep staring at the older boy so he just turns around and walks away.

“I will forever be a childhood friend to you. Who am I to fool myself that I would ever have the chance with you?”

“...Seoho,”

“I didn’t want to keep it away from you. It was burdening! It still is! I have been biting down on my tongue for the whole two years. You wanted a specific person as your mate; and that person certainly is not me.”

“Wait, Seo-”

“Just go, hyung. I don’t want to hear your pity. I don’t deserve it.” He whispers. 

The mark on his chest burns and his omega is crying in his head, but Seoho just wants to curl in his bed and cry until he falls asleep. That’s all. 

He locks himself in his room and lets the whole two years of tears spill. It doesn’t matter than he doesn’t like crying; right now, he needs it. As a self reliever, as a self assurance. Nothing will ever be the same after this. Everything will change; Youngjo will go, he will hate him, and he will move on. That’s it.

There is the sound of his front door opening, and he holds his breath. 

It’s silent for a moment before the door closes; and Seoho lets himself cry one more time.

It’s over.

A knock on his bedroom door startles him and he sits up alert. Who would be able to enter his apartment and now knock on his bedroom?

“Seo.”  _ It’s Youngjo. _

“...what?” He whispers in disbelief.

“Seo, can we talk properly?”

“How- How did you get in?”

He hears a bitter chuckle. “Do you really think I would leave?”

_ Yes _ , he wants to say.

“Let me apologize properly.” Youngjo says. “And then you can decide if you want to keep me around or you can push me away too if you don’t want me.”

Seoho hugs his pillow close to his chest. “What… What do you want to talk about?”

“How did you feel when you first saw the mark? Were you shocked? Were you happy? Sad?” Youngjo asks with a solemn voice.

His heart flutters at the memory. “I was… happy. From the day you got your mark, I kept hoping that I would get the same as you. It happened… and I was very happy.”

Youngjo hums, his voice muffled through the door. 

“Were you planning to tell me on that day?”

“Yeah…” Seoho smiles bitterly, remembering the exact day of his birthday two years ago, “I couldn’t want to tell you, but- yeah.”

The alpha goes silent for a moment, before he knocks gently on the door. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s- it’s okay. I’m sorry too, for keeping it away from you.”

“It was not your fault. I should have noticed that I’m oblivious and dense. And I think I might do the same thing if I were in your shoes.”

Seoho stares at the door, trying to picture the older boy sitting on the floor, back against the wood. 

“Would you? If I said I liked someone else, would you do the same?”

Youngjo laughs; the sound so empty.

“Yeah,” he pauses for a second, “I know your happiness is also more important than mine.”

Seoho buries his face into the pillow, trying to keep himself from crying again. Even after everything, he just… loves Youngjo very much.

“Hyung,” he calls while rising up from his bed.

“Mmh?”

He reaches for the lock, “I’m opening the door.” He warns so the older boy won’t fall back.

Youngjo is already standing when he swings the door open, offering him a small, apologetic smile. Seoho hesitantly holds his hand out, waiting for the older boy to take it; which Youngjo puts his hand on his palm without hesitation. He pulls Youngjo in and they sit on the edge of the bed.

“Do you want to lie down instead?” Youngjo asks when he holds his pillow close to him.

He nods and goes to lie on his side, giving his back to the older boy because he feels like he can’t see him just yet. He doesn’t expect Youngjo to join him and hug him close, arms around his stomach and chest pressed against his back. It’s so warm, too warm, and Seoho doesn’t want to get used to this feeling.

“I met Hwanwoong earlier.” Youngjo starts, and he feels himself going rigid at the mention of it. Youngjo kisses him on his shoulder to make him relax.

“He showed me his mark, it was so cute. But it was not a rose.”

“Were you… disappointed?” He asks in a whisper.

“No, surprisingly,” Youngjo murmurs against his sweater, “It was more relieving than disappointing. It surprised me too, and I didn’t know when it had started, but I just didn’t really think that I liked him that much.”

“What do you mean?” He asks again.

The arms around him tighten.

“Hwanwoong is a cute junior for me. You might not realize it, because I also didn’t notice it before I started thinking properly, but you have always been my first priority.”

“Hyung,”

“Shh, let me finish. It was around the time when you graduated, remember? I just felt the difference of having you with me and you not being there. I guess, I have always had you around me for so many years that I took you for granted.”

“No, it’s not- it’s not that. You didn’t-”

“I did, whether I did it on purpose or not. I took you for granted, and when you were away from me, that was when I noticed the little things.”

Seoho closes his eyes when he feels lips on the back of his neck.

“It was my fault most of the time; for not realizing it sooner.”

“Hyung.” He breathes out while curling his toes on the older boy’s calves. The move is soft, simple, but that serves as an unspoken movement for Youngjo to scoot even closer.

“We were so inseparable since we were kids, don’t you notice? I think it might be the first sign for us to be mates.” Youngjo speaks into his hair, his voice low and soothing.

Seoho nods and leans back more into the embrace.

“You have always been my first choice. First in anything. I just didn’t realize it. I was so dumb.”

“No, hyung-”

“Admit it, I was dumb.”

Seoho parts his mouth but then he gives up. “Okay, you are pretty dense, you do.”

Youngjo laughs softly. “I have you by my side for so many years, but I didn’t realize how much in love you are with me.”

The words make Seoho curl into a ball. “How did you…”

“Know that? You told me.”

Seoho twists his neck to stare at the older boy. “When did I-?”

Youngjo leaps to peck his cheek, “When we had drunken sex-”

“How did you even remember that?!” Seoho shrieks in embarrassment. Youngjo laughs at his face.

“You thought I would forget everything?” The older boy says while squeezing his middle. 

Seoho stutters for a word before he just stuffs his whole face into the pillow. 

“I just remembered it earlier. When Hwanwoong told me you got the mark, I just remembered that I had seen the mark on you.”

“How did Hwanwoong know-”

“I think most people already knew except me.” Youngjo cuts him off, “I was too dumb.”

Seoho bites his lip. “I… guess so.”

“You know,” Youngjo starts again, “Remember what the elders always told us? Mates are connected by souls. One’s mate is usually someone around them.”

“Yeah. Geonhak told me that too a long time ago.”

“I think Geonhak also knew. He told me to ‘take better care of you’.”

“It’s scary how everyone knew even though I tried so hard to keep it a secret.” He shudders. Has he always been a bad liar?

“Everyone could see except me. God, I feel so stupid.” Youngjo buries his face into his neck. Seoho’s heart skips a beat.

“Hyung, I think you can stop beating yourself about that…” He sighs.

“No, I can’t forgive myself for not noticing it sooner. I mean, I’m the older one here, I’m supposed to be the adult here, not the other way around.”

Seoho stifles a smile. “If it will make you feel better, I realized that I liked you when I was fifteen.”

Youngjo lets out a groan. “You are making it worse.”

He giggles softly and then squeaks when Youngjo spins him around. Lying like this allows him to see the older boy’s face, his tired eyes and his small smile. Youngjo caresses the side of his head.

“So pretty, my Seoho.”

Seoho squeezes his eyes shut when the older boy leans to kiss his nose.

“What’s going to happen now, hyung?” He finds himself asking, fingers reaching forward to grip at the other’s shirt.

“If I’m not that late, if you let me, I would like to start courting you properly.” Youngjo murmurs.

“Courting? But we have known each other for so long-”

“But I haven’t known how it feels to love you.”

Seoho’s breath hitches. He doesn’t expect that one coming so suddenly.

“The feeling I have right now,” Youngjo takes his hand, bringing it to his chest and Seoho can feel the strong, loud heartbeats against his palm, “What I’m feeling right now might not compare to yours, but just know that you have always had that special spot in my heart.”

Seoho swallows thickly to make himself not to cry again. Youngjo goes to kiss his lips, so soft, so,  _ so tender _ , that he clutches the alpha closer.

“You have always been in my heart; I just hadn’t realized it until now.”

They talk for the rest of the day, and Seoho accepts the alpha to court him. Courting is actually a pretty traditional way before mating, but if Youngjo wants to do it, he will let him. Eventually, they fall asleep in each other’s arms, wrapping their limbs together, until Youngjo’s warmth and scent are filling his every sense.

Seoho wakes up when his stomach twists that familiar pain and his gut feels like it’s on fire. His writhing wakes Youngjo up, and it takes no time for them to realize that his heat period has started. Youngjo’s presence might have been the trigger for it.

Youngjo suggests himself to get out of the place so as to not take any advantage on his condition, but Seoho shakes his head and begs for the alpha to  _ please take care of me. _ Any alpha being in the presence of an omega in heat wouldn’t be able to hold their sense back. Youngjo is actually very scared that he might hurt him but Seoho assures him that it’s more painful to go through it alone, so he really appreciates the alpha’s presence with him here.

In the end, Youngjo really can’t say no to him, and Seoho is all wet and crying as Youngjo drinks the self lubrication from his entrance. It’s too hot, his body is burning, and his hormones are all over the place. The suffering of being an omega is having to go through a heat cycle like this.

Youngjo pushes him over the edge, eating him out until he cums all over himself, loud and sticky. The alpha breathes heavily, caressing his hip bones, before dipping down to kiss him, so messily, so harshly, that Seoho can only curl his fingers into the other’s sweaty hair.

The mark on his chest throbs when Youngjo kisses it, taking his time and appreciation there for a moment. He caresses the mark he knows is located on the alpha’s left shoulder, and then Youngjo kisses him again.

The alpha drives into him, cock heavy and ready, and Seoho throws his head back at the feeling of being filled. Youngjo’s harsh panting fills his hearing, and he chants the older boy’s name over and over again until Youngjo silences him with a deep kiss. 

They mate, so many times until the heat in his body cools down. Youngjo’s cock fits snugly in him, the knot stretching him wide until he loses his breathing. The canines scratching the skin on his neck are ready, Youngjo hardly can control himself from claiming him. Despite their agreement of starting a courting, Seoho knows it’s only a matter of time until he falls into the temptation that is being Youngjo’s wholly; so he nods his head and whispers a soft  _ please _ .

Youngjo’s canines dig into the crook of his shoulder and neck, breaking the skin there, and Seoho reaches the euphoria with a loud cry slipping past his lips. His destined mark throbs and the newly put claim mark burns. It’s a permanent mark; one that alpha puts over their mate to show that they belong together.

_ I love you, hyung _ , he cries out when Youngjo goes to pepper kisses all over his face.

The alpha coos at his crying face, smiling widely, before saying,  _ I love you too, even before you and I knew about it. _

*

_ “Do you have someone as the example in your mind?” _

_ “I want someone like you, Youngjo hyung! If I could, I would choose hyung over and over again as my mate!” _

_ “If that’s so, I would choose you too.” _

_ “Pinky promise, hyung?” _

_ “Okay. Pinky promise.” _

_ The stars blinked. The Moon Goddess was watching. _

*

“Do you remember?” Youngjo says into his shoulder and he hums sleepily, curling himself into the alpha’s bare chest.

“Mmh?”

“We made a promise.”

“Promise…?”

“Promise that we would choose one another if we could.” Youngjo cups his face in his palms and lifts it up so he can put a kiss on his lips. Seoho smiles without opening his eyes.

“Mmh.”

Youngjo laughs and nudges their noses together.

“The Moon Goddess is always watching over us.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! ;-;
> 
> twt: [@kumo_is_kumo](https://twitter.com/kumo_is_kumo)


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